Fourth Month Pictures

These are some of the pictures from my book the doctor gave me of a baby in the fourth month in utero. These are taken with a needle-thin camera called a fetoscope. Aren't they amazing?

Second Trimester!

I am finally in my second trimester and it feels great!!! My energy level is definitely on the rise and although the nausea is still here, it is getting less frequent. I don't know if it is my return of energy, the spring weather, or my nesting instinct kicking in early but I have been on a cleaning spree the last week! It feels so great to actually want to start a project and then have the energy to finish it. I spent two days alone on completely emptying and reorganizing our master closet- something I haven't felt like doing since we've moved in. It's huge (10'x15') and was stuffed full of unpacked boxes and clothes we don't wear. Now it looks great and is my favorite room in the house! :) My next big project will be getting Ellie's big girl room ready. Right now the room is full of all her old baby equipment and clothes so this will be a big project. I have some really cute furniture picked out, though, so I can't wait to do it! I'm really thankful that Ellie plays so well by herself and still naps 2 hours a day. These are the times I'm able to get things done. (I still, of course, play with her and take her to our play dates and toddler classes. She's not always playing by herself... Sorry, a mother will always find something to feel guilty about but I think I'm okay here. Talking about it gives me doubts though!) Moving on...
I had a doctor’s appointment on Thursday and all is well. Baby's heartbeat sounded great! We scheduled my next ultrasound for April 12th and this is the one where we will find out the sex. I can't wait!
I have officially grown out of my regular clothes last week and made the switch to my maternity clothes (this is what started the closet project). It happened a lot sooner this time! I think I was 17 weeks last time before I bought any maternity clothes. A lot of the clothes I already have are fall/winter so it will be fun to buy a few new summery pieces.
I think Ellie has got the hang of it that there is a baby in her mommy's tummy. She will point to my belly when we ask her where the baby is. More specifically, she will put her finger in my belly button and say "there!" so maybe she doesn't completely get it or just thinks the baby is very, very small...but she is getting there! :) We have also been reading a couple of books called "Waiting for Baby" and "Bringing Home Baby" and I think they are helping. Whenever someone asks her if she is going to have a little brother or sister, she always answers "SISTER!" so it will be fun to see if she's right! I secretly want her to have a sister too. Of course all that matters is that the baby is healthy but...if it were a healthy baby girl...I think it would be pretty neat. I grew up with all brothers and I just think it would be nice for Ellie to have a sister. We find out in a few weeks!
The next big thing I'm looking forward to with this pregnancy (besides the ultrasound) is feeling the baby move. I read that it can happen anytime between 14 and 26 weeks but I'm pretty sure I was 16 weeks with my last pregnancy. My book also says that for second pregnancies you might feel it even earlier than the first time so I 'm just waiting for that first "flutter". Gosh, being pregnant is so great! Yeah, I wouldn't have said that a few weeks ago but I really feel that way now. It's amazing how much better you feel in that second trimester. I'm going to go clean something!

Repeat Cesarean

At my last doctor’s appointment, we discussed my last delivery via cesarean section and decided to plan on this delivery to be a repeat c/s. For the most part, I'm okay with this. I really don't have a choice since it very unlikely that I would even be able to successfully deliver vaginally. We found out through X-rays taken 9 months after Ellie was born (for reasons that had nothing to do with the delivery) that I have a very small pelvis and that it would not likely fit a baby through it. The Orthopedic Surgeon did tell me I should get my OB's opinion also, but his reaction was enough for me. He genuinely acted quite surprised and even called another doctor and some of the nurses in there to look at the x-ray. He also had one of the nurses get another woman's x-ray who was about the same age and put it up next to mine so I could compare the two. Mine was definitely much, much smaller. At least this was a probable explanation for my failure to progress during labor. Everything else was going fine...I was 100% effaced and in my active stage (5 centimeters) when the cesarean was called for. The baby had just never left the position of -3 station. I also had been having contractions for 30 hours and the baby's heart rate starting dropping with each one towards the end.
I was actually grateful when the doctor called for a c/s. I was absolutely exhausted and was worried about the baby and more than ready to meet her. Ellie came out perfect and healthy and I even have some really amazing pictures of the actual birth since my step-mother (a surgery nurse) and sister-in-law (an OB nurse) were both there in the room working during my delivery. My husband still got to be by my side the whole time too. So, overall, it still was a pretty good experience. However, in planning this next cesarean, I realized that I do hold a few mixed feelings about never giving birth vaginally...

1) I don't feel like I "officially" gave or get to give birth. Almost like there is some kind of membership card you get when you actually push a baby out.
2) I think a lot of people who delivered the "normal" way think I did it the "easy" way. In actuality, my epidural wore off when I was 5 centimeters so I did get to experience quite a bit of pain! Not to mention the pain of recovering from surgery.
3) It kind of stinks that I am the one choosing this next baby's birthday instead of the baby (unless it comes before 38 weeks which I hope is not the case). There is something I have romanticized in my head about going into labor on my own and nudging the hubby awake and telling him "honey...it's time...". With my last labor induced and this one scheduled, I will most likely never experience that.
4) With my last c/s I didn't even get to see my baby until 2 hours after delivery, let alone nurse right away. This was the most upsetting thing to me about having a c/s. My new doctor (we have moved to bigger city since then) has assured me that this time, the baby will be in the recovery room with me and I will be able to nurse then...but still not likely in the delivery room.

The good things, though, about this next planned one...

1) I don't have to make the choice about VBAC, a very tough and emotional decision for a lot of women with a previous c/s.
2) Despite not wanting to pick my baby's birthday, knowing when I will deliver definitely helps with the planning for who will take care of Ellie when I am in the hospital.
3) Even though I would like go into labor on my own, knowing that this time there will be no pain leading up to surgery is kind of refreshing.
4) I'm a lot more prepared for what to expect, contrary to last time when I read tons of books but always skipped over the cesarean chapters vowing that it would "never happen to me".

And of course, the best thing of all... I get to have (God willing) yet another perfect, beautiful, healthy baby...so who cares how it comes out! I am so fortunate that I was even able to conceive again and (God willing again) carry this baby to term. It is not how you deliver that makes you a mother, it's the love you have for that amazing little human being. Nothing can take that away. A stork could have shown up and dropped off Ellie in our yard and I wouldn't be any less of a mother to her. I love her more than anything. You have to do what's best for your baby and, in my case (and in the next one), a cesarean is the way to go. I think sharing this has helped me get over my mixed feelings and just realize how darn blessed I am... There's going to be another baby to share that love with soon! Thanks for listening...

First Trimester Symptoms

I realized that I haven't even filled you in on the wonderful symptoms of this second pregnancy so far. They are as follows:

1) TIRED
2) NAUSEATED

That pretty much sums it up!

I have never in my life felt this exhausted...even when I was pregnant the first time. It takes every bit of energy I can muster to just take care of Ellie all day. That means that there is NONE left for the many other things that need to get done (e.g., HOUSEWORK, unpacking the 20 boxes still sitting in my office, getting Ellie's "big girl" room ready, giving any kind of attention to my husband and plenty of other things I'm too tired to think of right now...) Ellie has enjoyed a little too much TV lately because of this but I know it will be back to normal soon so I'm not too worried. I must say a big thank you to PBS Sprout and Noggin, though! You have kept my daughter happy while her Mommy rests with your wonderful, mostly educational shows many mornings these last few weeks. :)

As far as the nausea, nothing can be as bad as it was with my first pregnancy. Then I was sick ALL day and night for the first 4 months. This time it didn't start until just after 7 weeks and I think it is now at it's peak. At first I was getting sick just first thing in the morning but now, the last week, it's been several times a day. This makes it hard to go to my classes and play dates scheduled for Ellie because I have a huge fear of getting sick in public. I actually had to run from a store last Monday as fast as I could to my car so I get sick in a little bucket I brought along for the drive. It was horrifying! I'm happy the baby is healthy, but HURRY UP second trimester! I'm ready for the best part of pregnancy...more energy, no nausea, and FEELING THE BABY MOVE! What's better than that??????

10 Weeks

My doctor's appointment today went really well. She basically just wanted to know if I had any questions or concerns and since I didn't, it went pretty quickly. The main thing I wanted to talk about was the complications I had with my last cesarean (uterus not contracting and me loosing a lot of blood) and the possibility of them happening again. She said they would definitely be prepared for that but it is unlikely to happen again since I won't actually be going into to labor this time. What most likely caused it is that my uterus was overworked (like any other muscle can be) from the 30 hours of contractions and that it simply refused to contract anymore during the time it needed to happen. We also set the delivery date for me to deliver at 38 weeks to help ensure that I will most likely not go into labor on my own. So the new date is August 28th! That is two days before my husband's birthday and 3 days before our anniversary. If all goes well, we'll be coming home from the hospital on our anniversary.
The only other thing we did besides talk was listen to heartbeat. It was going strong and the doctor proclaimed "That's one happy baby!". It made me feel great and much more confident that the baby is here to stay. Only a few more weeks until my second trimester!

To My Husband...

"Let the world stop turning
Let the sun stop burning
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you."
(IZ "Alone in IZ World")

Happy Valentine's Day Eric!
I love you...

First Ultrasound

I had my first ultrasound of the new baby yesterday and everything was great. There is just one baby and it's measuring exactly the right size for my due date of Sept 10th. I was a little disappointed because it was done in only 2D instead of 4D which the office has. Therefore, my picture is literally just a blob so I'm not going to post it. They said when they are doing an ultrasound at 8 weeks, it is only to measure the size of the baby and to confirm my due date. The 2D works just fine for that. My next one at 18 weeks will definitely be in 4D though.
Oh, and Ellie screamed the whole time from the moment they dimmed the lights to the time they turned them back on. I had no idea she would be so upset by it! She kept screaming "No Mommy, no dark!". I felt really bad for her since there was nothing I could do for her while lying on the table. Maybe next time either Eric (my husband who was out of town this week) can watch her or I can bring a flashlight for her or something! :)
More updates after my next appointment on the 15th!